boo

my brother is getting married in november and since wedding pictures last a lifetime, i decided to do weight watchers for a few weeks... just to get me back to neutral after a summer full of queso, gourmet river sandys, and cupcakes of any kind. so the whole point of the program is to... um... watch your weight by being mindful of what you put in your mouth at all times. judging by my actions at the grocery store yesterday, i'm pretty sure halloween is not going to be a stellar weight watching season for me. enter exhibit a:

i walked into h-e-b, immediately smelled the brach's marshmallow punkins from aisles away, made a bee-line to them, opened the bag right then and there, and proceeded to eat a countless amount while combing the place for my "healthful" snacks and meals for the week. i don't even know what to say to explain myself. other than i'm so glad i'm doing ww online and don't have to show up to one of those meetings where i'd have to confess to a roomful of people who know what the exact point value of a mess like this is. as my sister so eloquently pointed out while looking at the ingredients on the back of the brach's bag, "these are made out of... wax."

so i'm going to try to move onward and upward from this slip-up. but WHY do i live in this land of excess that pushes candy in my face from every angel all of the time, especially during this next stinking month?!?! what happened to the good old days of your only option for meals being cabbage soup and the occasional baked bread banquet (a la charlie's family pre-chocolate factory)?? a couple of days ago my grandpa told me that when he was growing up (very poor during the great depression), they couldn't afford cakes and cookies, but his mother would make them vinegar pie for special occasions. that is something i could get behind, simply because even though i have the sweetest sweet tooth this side of the mississippi, i would never under any circumstance stoop as low as to eat pie filled with a vinegar concoction. (sidenote: yesssssss, this is the grandpa who also saw a snake hiding in the tall grass beside my ankle when i was little and he swooped down, picked that poisonous six foot serpent up by its tail and swung it around his head several times, until he got it good and dizzy, then wacked it's head upside the tree next to us. saved my life. and i'll never forget it.)

all that to say, to make up for my non-existent self control, z and i made a very delicious and low pernt meal last night that i must pass on... this of course came off little kitchen's blog and what a treat it was. parm and herb encrusted chicken to make you sit up and slap your momma! oh, i guess i should also mention that if you buy three pounds of chicken breasts at central market this week, you get a free central market organic salad dressing AND bottle of bbq sauce. you also have to figure out what to do with three pounds of chicken breasts... so this is a great recipe to try out with the influx of chicks you may/may not have after falling for this in-store "coupon". (another sidenote: little kitchen is currently giving away a free crepe pan, so click over and take full advantage. we at c&p just love lk.)

well, so, cheers to brach's punkins, candy corn and the always elusive indian candy corn. you may have won out yesterday, but i know where you hide and will prevail............ oh, who am i kidding. i'll see you next week. aisle 5, left side, 2nd shelf down. miss you already.

sem

'Tis the Season...

My post-work and weekend attire:

My "Fall" post-work and weekend attire (which I debuted today):

Happy Fall!

P.

quarter of a century

i'm a big fan of the movie in her shoes. it's about two sisters and their lives together... the ups, the downs, the good, the bad, the laughing, the crying, the history, the protectiveness, the eyerolling, the loving, the hating, the mind reading, the memories, the irritations, the similarities, the differences... the unbreakable bond shared between girls who- no matter how hard they might fight it- are connected in a way that is impossible to be connected to anyone else. if you have a sister, you know exactly what i mean when i say: you have her for life. it's more than a friendship, it's more than being related... it's... it's hard to define.

when i try to put into words what my little sister means to me, the last scene of in her shoes always comes to mind. the older sister (toni collette) is getting married and the younger sister (cameron diaz) does the special reading at the wedding... needless to say, 'ol waterworks myers has a hard time with this one. so in honor of z and her birthday today, i thought i'd share this poem with you...

i carry your heart with me

by E. E. Cummings
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

i love you, lindsey! and i carry your heart in my heart... whether you like it or not :)

i HEART ny

i do. i do, i do, i do. which is kind of odd because i have only been there the one time. it was last december, right before christmas, and to say it was everything i had built it up to be in my head would be an understandment. it was MORE magical, MORE unbelievable and MORE than i dreamed. i love new york and cannot wait to go back.

my obsession with this city and all things big apple led me to almost run up and kiss the movie screen while z and i were at the arbor waiting for the september issue to begin last sunday afternoon. have you all seen the preview for this?!?!

viva nyc! i love you!

found

i did not plan this, but my two favorite songs over the past couple months have the same theme of being "found." i sing them all the time... in the shower, driving around, when i'm running, before i go to bed... i freaking love these songs. it wasn't until the other day that i started to think about what the words actually mean. things like:

All my security, my destiny
What lies ahead is found in you
All my hopes and dreams, my thoughts unseen
All my wants are found in you
What I dread and fear, all that weighs me down
All my trust is found in You
You’re my sustaining breath, all that gives me strength
All life-giving is found in You ("found" by aaron ivey. d-load it!)

or

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you ("shadowfeet" by brooke fraser)

what does that even mean to be "found"? i've never thought about it. other than the one time when i was little and got turned around playing in the ladies clothing racks at dillard's, i don't think i've felt utterly and truly lost too many times in my life, so the idea of being found is a little foreign to me personally. i know this isn't true for a lot of people, but by the grace of our Maker, i was raised in a family who has loved me and wanted me from the minute i was brought into this world. and as luck would have it, my father's profession was one that enabled me to be inside the doors of the church more than outside of them. so i've never not known where i came from or who my Savior was or felt like one of those wandering sheep painted in all those pictures that hung up on the walls at vbs.

except, actually, lost is exactly what i am. and who really isn't, for that matter? no one i know has gone through a whole life before and is now back for round two. no one- no matter if you're 5 or 55- is experiencing a day that they have already experienced. we might think we have a grasp on what we're doing and where we're headed, but in actuality we have no control over the majority of what falls out of the sky and into our laps on an hourly basis. at best, we work hard at being educated so we can make the wisest guesses we can when it comes to forks in the road, stances on deep issiues, attitudes in the middle of hard situations, or even whether or not to spend that extra $3 on 100% organic or just screw it and get the h-e-b brand.

i am so stinking lost. and i didn't even know it.

that thought could make one feel pretty down and out if you really sat on it and let it sink in. and who does depression hurt? right. the dog. who you never walk anymore. and the spouse. whose hand you won't hold anymore. we get it, cymbalta- give it a rest. but how absolutely, undeniably fantastic is it that we have hope and peace and the take-it-to-the-bank faithfulness of our Lord who is the ONLY one who HAS been through it all before and loves us so much that He'll do it again with us, for us, because of us. He's just right there. whatever i need to say or feel or do or work through... He's there. He's found me, therefore being lost is no longer on the table.

for a girl who didn't even know she lacked in this department until very recently, this reality brings me more comfort and relief and gratitude then i even know how to express.

i think sometimes God gives us little Winks in life as a way to show us his principles on our terms in ways we can understand. so while i have been belting out these "found" songs all summer and thinking about what that can mean in my life, i had an additional Wink that showed me in living color just how wonderful being found really is.

(bear with me. i don't think this is too much of a strech.)

do you have a friend in your life who just gets you? it doesn't matter how long it's been since you have seen them or what all has transpired in the in between time, anytime you are fortunate to be together for a face to face, you feel like you're home. you feel fully you. you feel like you could say anything or do anything and this person wouldn't blink an eye. they would laugh or cry with you through anything and always always accept and cherish you because they know you. do you have someone like that in your life? if not, email me and i will be your person. because really, it is the best.

and i know we all have our daily people... essential lifelines for all the ins and outs... your mate or your roommate or significant other or your bff. those people are clearly indespensible and maybe i'll be inspired to write a melodious blog of love to them someday. but this gets you person is different. maybe they live out of town and you don't get to see each other very often. or maybe they are just super busy and all over the place and can rarely be pinned down. but when you DO pin them down or when you ARE in the same town, in the same booth at a mexi resturaunt with them... it's exactly what you needed, isn't it? and you wouldn't rather be anywhere else in the world at that moment. so much to say, so much to go over, so much to laugh about, so much to bounce off one another. nothing awkward or forced or contrived. just pure friendship. a pure friendship that makes your belief in the God of the universe all the more real because something like this isn't a coinscidence. they are in your life on purpose because God knew that you needed to know what it tangibly feels like to be found. so He gave you this gift of your gets you person.

driving home last night after seeing my gets me person, all of this hit me and i became so overwhelmed with how awesome and personal God is when He wants to teach me something. when it boils down to it, HE is clearly the only person i must be found in... but my little tea cup just runneth over with these earthly extras that claim me as well.

so below is the video to the brooke fraser ditty that i love, for all those interested. and before you go thinking that i only listen to music with deep spiritual implications on my life, i will also post the video to the song i have had on repeat for the last week and a half. shameful.