birthday cards

i don't mean to be a party pooper, but are birthday cards really necessary? i mean, i get it if there's money inside (clearly), or if it's a picture of a boy pouring glitter from his hand, or if you are mailing b-day greetings from far away, or if you need to tell the person something special that is easier to write than say... but if you're just getting a card to say you got it, and it's just some un-funny hallmark with your name scribbled at the bottom, the practical side of me thinks it's just wasteful. save your $3.99 and get me a bag of sour punch straws instead.

this is not true for my mother. for ANY family birthday, there HAS to be a card involved. i should preface this by saying we are not a family of, how do i put this... pre-planners. so every single time we are getting together to celebrate someone's big day, there is always, without question, the obligatory card being "secretly" passed around underneath the table and everyone is blindly writing "happy bday, love ya" somewhere on the inside of the card. it goes without saying that this card was picked up at the nearest wal-greens by whoever is running the latest to the party destination. but we HAVE a card and that is the most important part, right, mom?

well, so yesterday was my grandma's birthday. and unfortunately, mimi is in the hospital right now. but does that mean there will not be a celebration (complete with hey cupcakes) involved? no, ma'am. so i get to Mimi's room and immediately my sister shoves the card and a pen in my hand... i of course know the drill, so i sneak over to the other side of the room to sign it, but my sister tells me: "don't open it. mom got a music one. if it goes off, mimi will hear it too soon." hmmm. sign the card, but don't open it. i manage to bend down a corner and scribble "love you, sem" in tiny tim handwriting.

long story short, Mimi finally opened the card (that she watched all of us sign five minutes before) and it WAS in fact one of those sound cards. it was a card with those two obnoxious pink cartoon things that talk in high pitch squeals (do you know what i'm talking about?) on the front and Mimi gets so excited and puts it up to her ear and hears these things screeching at her, saying (among other things): "You are a freak of nature and belong in the circus."

ummmmmm, what?! mimi doesn't get it at all, but we all bug our eyes out and look over at my mom who just shrugs and says, "what?! i didn't have time to listen to it beforehand!"

awesome. happy birthday, mimi. we love you. sorry you're in the hospital. and also sorry we apparently think you are a circus freak.